You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
