I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
