Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
