Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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