Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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