mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
