I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
