toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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