if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
