I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
