So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i drank out of a bidet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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