you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
this will be a night to untag.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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