everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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