Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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