I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
