i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
