with your own penis?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
