You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
