Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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