Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
