remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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