he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
