it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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