If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
