Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
