But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
