We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
