Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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