Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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