He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
