Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
