You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
