I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Your penis caused this!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize