Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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