ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
