After last night, I could never be a politician.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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