I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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