im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i will never coherently bang her
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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