Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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