Yo dont text me then not text me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
