wakey wakey hands off snakey
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This house was built for laser tag.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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