Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
