i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
