Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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