Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
