I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
