you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
