My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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