Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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