OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
