I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
