What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
