I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
