A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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