Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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