It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
