I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need water and some morals
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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