Can i not drive my cunt home
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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