At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
