you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
