he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
3pm strippers are depressing
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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