I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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