and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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