we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize