I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
