Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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