Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
