How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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