I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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