i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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