Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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