hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
