he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
