if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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