The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
