How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
