Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
