and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
