Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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