I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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