So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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