You really coming over, don't trick.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
