We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize