sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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