this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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