I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
