We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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