please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
