I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
