My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
