I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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