Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
