I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize