i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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