I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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