he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
