She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
