Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
there was a trapeze. enough said
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
