would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she told me i tasted like america
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The power of my boobs compel you
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
