Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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